Someone, one day told me: "if you broke up with a person, why getting back together?, the reason you left, will be waiting for you when you come back".. well thats actually true.. I was with this guy, about 5 or 6 years ago, i was breaking up with this guy.. and before we talked about it and finish, i told him: before you say anything, i need you to know this, if we break up, we're not coming back, he asked: why.. and all i had left to say was: how can i be in love with someone who doesnt love me back? how can i lose my time with someone who told me that while we're having sex he felt NOTHING for me.. so, i learned this the hard way, how to get away of the hard part, all i had left to do was talk to my dad, and i told him everything, that was my insurence that i cant be back to him, if i got back to be with him, i couldnt go out.. thats what my daddy said.. so, if i dont wanna stay in my house i couldnt come back to him.. but we actually never listen, and i actually got back to him..
So, i found myself in a really fucked up situation.. how do you tell you parents that the thing they are worry about i've long done that? how do you explain that? hahahaha its actually a funny story.. i have a 3 year relationship, about to be engaged (not true but i like to think it is), whatever... so, i was planning this trip, SOMEWHERE, but when i talked to my dad, he just said, NO.. WHY? because he thinks im a virgin.. really? hahahahahaha i got so mad, that i was actually going to tell him that it is LONG GONE by now.. but i stop and start thinking about the cons and pros of the situation, and actually i'm the one who's gonna lose.. i may won the weekends, but they will be really dissapointed.. sometimes i like to think that my boyfriend is getting a little bit desperate.. i dont wanna go away and fuck everywhere i can.. i wanna have fun, i wanna see the world, there is so much in my country i dont know... i wanna go away with friends, i really think im missing that part, but then i stop to think for a second.. and i realize i dont care i can't have my weekends, weekends are nothing if im gonna spend the rest of my life with him.. but what if it comes the time that he needs this? am i gonna be forgotten?.. am i gonna be replace? this is actually a sour getaway..
I've been waiting for this moment since i was a little girl... When is going to be my graduation? what would i wear? am i gonna have a person to celebrate it with? am i gonna have my family with me?... But the most important thing is, what would i do after i graduate? where am i gonna go? i hope i have a job where i can save some money for trips with my friends, am i gonna live in the country where i grow up? it is scary, the moment you put your head in a pillow and start thinking what am i gonna do with my life! I'm supposed to be a grown up and have a job like everyone else, but instead of that, i just wanna live.. i dont want a sabatical year, but i want to live, enjoy the little things i couldnt before.. but, i have 6 subjects left to take before i graduate, i may have to sit and wait for a while..
How can you walk around your life thinking that day might come? how can you be so sure? how can you be that naive? what if you have all of the stuff rented waiting for the day to come? all these ideas, waiting to be real, all these friends, waiting to drink and eat free stuff? how do you manage to handle the stress? how am i supposed to be chill? this is huge, and im not even engaged.. how can you say to the people you love that if he doesnt put a ring, it's over? how do you handle that situation? how can you tell him that you're not waiting another year, because you're gonna lose time that you actually dont have? how do you do that? isn't it heartless? isn't it ungratefull? isn't it wrong? but what if i'm the person that doesn't know how to exist without him? how am i supposed to handle that? do i wait or do i re-act? but like i said, i'm not even engaged yet...
Well, life's about choices, the choices you make in the past will eventually catch up with you in the future.. actually thats true, believe it or not.. I have this friend, she has a boyfriend, and he's amazing.. but she has a friend, the guy who took her virginity away, the first sex she ever had, the first rough sex she ever had.. AMAZING right? well, turns out, he would like to come to our country for his vacations from work.. PARENTHESIS: she was 16 when she met the guy, ever since they became good friends, kissing partners, sex partners, friends, they don't get jealous of one another.. but what if the pasts catches up? what if she believes its ok to fuck with someone because she wants, because why not? actually.. why not? she said that her boyfriend is amazing, but in sex related? well.. lets say "he cheat on her with me".. that's what she said.
Have you ever wonder whats in the plate? why people hate each other? how can a person be so full of shit being so tiny.. well.. let me tell you, it is hard for me to hate people, you have to be a bitch for me to hate you, sometimes i see this girl, and i feel adrenaline coming through my veins and up to my brain and i feel like i really wanna punch the shit out of her, isn't that ironic? the worst part? she has never done anything to me, besides talking shit to my boyfriend and supporting bad choices from friends of mine.. how can you be so dumb? we're supposed to be the smart ones.. GIRLS.. we are the fucked up sex.. boys dont talk like we do, they dont hate peoplel like we do, they dont hang out like we do.. and if you think we are the lucky ones? we're not, they are, everytime they get together they have fun, they laugh, they talk about cars, about women.. and what do we talk about? about the hair cut of another girl we know but we're just being hipocrite, we talk about this girl that got pregnant by mistake, but the funny thing is, all of the generations before and after us, they're all just the same as we are, the generations don't change, people do.. so, i'm not saying im a saint, im just saying we are the mean, popular ones, they are just the nerds that get in our way..